Okay, I've only had about 5 minutes per week to devote to writing, but the time off has been a welcome break. Here's the next draft of the query after QS's rejection:
Investigative reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when CIA agent Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, and promises a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Logan Nash was a part of CIA’s top-secret anti-terrorism division until one of Avery’s stories exposed his team and ended his career. After months of digging, Nash finds the identity of Avery’s anonymous source, and he can finally get his revenge--all he has to do is not fall in love.
Following Nash’s scoop, Avery investigates a series of high profile murders with terrorism implications. Instead of finding something she can publish, she discovers that all the victims were involved in leaking a top-secret CIA mission into her mailbox two years ago; the mission file that Nash accused her of stealing. Now she feels the weight of a bulls-eye on her back as one after another someone close to the case gets slaughtered. Avery needs to find the assassin and expose him before her personal obituary makes headlines. Outgunned, she trusts her life to Logan Nash even though all the evidence tells her the man she's falling in love with is the killer she’s trying to find.
VICARIOUS is a 109,000-word thriller.
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Previous Version
As part of my journey through hell, here's one of my previous query drafts. It was a result of trying too hard to stand out, but this thing would have stood out in a bad way. Query Shark would have had a conniption if she had read this. ha ha ha! But damn it, I had fun writing it lol.
Click Here for sample chapters.
Dear Agent,
VICARIOUS is 110,000-word chick-lit on steroids married to guy-spy thriller on Midol. The result is PMS meets AK47 where barbs fly faster than bullets..
Avery Bonelli was an investigative journalist with Pulitzer ambitions until ex-CIA operative Logan Nash destroyed her credibility and made her Chiquita non grata in the journalism world. Two years later, he shows up in her apartment with a bullet in his shoulder and a scoop that can get her out of tabloid blogging and back in the big leagues. All she has to do is remove the bullet. And stay alive.
An international terrorist blows up a billion-dollar virology lab, killing thirty-three. When he escapes justice on a technicality, the country wants blood. Avery just wants the exclusive … and Logan has it. He also has ulterior motives, a familiar hazard when fraternizing with the Y chromosome. But having just broken off an engagement, Avery has no interest in Logan’s pecs … or his 21st digit.
But you can’t go cold-turkey on men. Not when Ben & Jerry are calling your name for a ménage-a-trois from the frozen foods aisle and Logan's the one holding the scoop.
Avery is about to uncover the truth behind the terrorist trial, which threatens a political conspiracy that snakes from the virology lab to the FBI and CIA. Was the terrorist actually working for the government? Assassins are gunning for her, but the only guns she carries are a pair of 34Bs in a Victoria’s Secret holster. She and her chest arsenal turn to Logan for help, the only man with a bigger gun than the ones being aimed at her. They break into a military virology facility and steal top-secret research. They run for their lives; they drown, they die, and they live in each others’ arms. The body count is on the rise, and all the evidence points to the man she loves. Caught between a terrorist and an ex-CIA operative, Avery will have to trust her life to the man who just might want her dead.
Click Here for sample chapters.
Dear Agent,
VICARIOUS is 110,000-word chick-lit on steroids married to guy-spy thriller on Midol. The result is PMS meets AK47 where barbs fly faster than bullets..
Avery Bonelli was an investigative journalist with Pulitzer ambitions until ex-CIA operative Logan Nash destroyed her credibility and made her Chiquita non grata in the journalism world. Two years later, he shows up in her apartment with a bullet in his shoulder and a scoop that can get her out of tabloid blogging and back in the big leagues. All she has to do is remove the bullet. And stay alive.
An international terrorist blows up a billion-dollar virology lab, killing thirty-three. When he escapes justice on a technicality, the country wants blood. Avery just wants the exclusive … and Logan has it. He also has ulterior motives, a familiar hazard when fraternizing with the Y chromosome. But having just broken off an engagement, Avery has no interest in Logan’s pecs … or his 21st digit.
But you can’t go cold-turkey on men. Not when Ben & Jerry are calling your name for a ménage-a-trois from the frozen foods aisle and Logan's the one holding the scoop.
Avery is about to uncover the truth behind the terrorist trial, which threatens a political conspiracy that snakes from the virology lab to the FBI and CIA. Was the terrorist actually working for the government? Assassins are gunning for her, but the only guns she carries are a pair of 34Bs in a Victoria’s Secret holster. She and her chest arsenal turn to Logan for help, the only man with a bigger gun than the ones being aimed at her. They break into a military virology facility and steal top-secret research. They run for their lives; they drown, they die, and they live in each others’ arms. The body count is on the rise, and all the evidence points to the man she loves. Caught between a terrorist and an ex-CIA operative, Avery will have to trust her life to the man who just might want her dead.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Latest Query
Please let me know if you see any areas where I can improve this query. Or if you like the original query on Query Shark better, LMK! All suggestions/comments welcome!
Washington Post reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when ex-CIA operative Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, promising a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Desperate to get her career back on track, Avery helps Nash investigate a terrorist bombing in Maryland that killed his father and thirty-two other scientists. When the terrorist escapes justice on a technicality, Avery looks for answers, and finds a conspiracy that reaches beyond domestic terrorism. Her investigation leads her to a group of CIA operatives who engineered the bombing to shield one man from an FBI sting--Nash’s father--chief architect of a next-generation biological weapon.
And he’s still alive.
Now Avery is hunted by people who believe she’s a threat to their weapons project and to the terrorist’s true identity. Caught between assassins and a dogged determination for justice, Avery becomes a victim in her own story. To stay alive, she’ll have to trust her life to Logan Nash, who just might turn out to be the terrorist she’s been tracking.
VICARIOUS, a 109,000-word espionage-thriller, can arm-wrestle with Mitch Rapp while matching wits with Lincoln Rhyme. It’s one of five finalists in the 2010 [redacted] contest on [redacted].
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Here's a link to some sample chapters for anyone who's interested: Click Here
Washington Post reporter Avery Bonelli became Chiquita non grata when ex-CIA operative Logan Nash accused her of stealing national secrets. Two years later, Nash shows up in her apartment covered in blood, promising a scoop that will get her back in the big leagues--all she has to do is trust him.
Desperate to get her career back on track, Avery helps Nash investigate a terrorist bombing in Maryland that killed his father and thirty-two other scientists. When the terrorist escapes justice on a technicality, Avery looks for answers, and finds a conspiracy that reaches beyond domestic terrorism. Her investigation leads her to a group of CIA operatives who engineered the bombing to shield one man from an FBI sting--Nash’s father--chief architect of a next-generation biological weapon.
And he’s still alive.
Now Avery is hunted by people who believe she’s a threat to their weapons project and to the terrorist’s true identity. Caught between assassins and a dogged determination for justice, Avery becomes a victim in her own story. To stay alive, she’ll have to trust her life to Logan Nash, who just might turn out to be the terrorist she’s been tracking.
VICARIOUS, a 109,000-word espionage-thriller, can arm-wrestle with Mitch Rapp while matching wits with Lincoln Rhyme. It’s one of five finalists in the 2010 [redacted] contest on [redacted].
Enclosed is the first chapter; prologue omitted.
Thanks for your consideration.
Ocean Archer
Here's a link to some sample chapters for anyone who's interested: Click Here
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