As part of my journey through hell, here's one of my previous query drafts. It was a result of trying too hard to stand out, but this thing would have stood out in a bad way. Query Shark would have had a conniption if she had read this. ha ha ha! But damn it, I had fun writing it lol.
Click Here for sample chapters.
Dear Agent,
VICARIOUS is 110,000-word chick-lit on steroids married to guy-spy thriller on Midol. The result is PMS meets AK47 where barbs fly faster than bullets..
Avery Bonelli was an investigative journalist with Pulitzer ambitions until ex-CIA operative Logan Nash destroyed her credibility and made her Chiquita non grata in the journalism world. Two years later, he shows up in her apartment with a bullet in his shoulder and a scoop that can get her out of tabloid blogging and back in the big leagues. All she has to do is remove the bullet. And stay alive.
An international terrorist blows up a billion-dollar virology lab, killing thirty-three. When he escapes justice on a technicality, the country wants blood. Avery just wants the exclusive … and Logan has it. He also has ulterior motives, a familiar hazard when fraternizing with the Y chromosome. But having just broken off an engagement, Avery has no interest in Logan’s pecs … or his 21st digit.
But you can’t go cold-turkey on men. Not when Ben & Jerry are calling your name for a ménage-a-trois from the frozen foods aisle and Logan's the one holding the scoop.
Avery is about to uncover the truth behind the terrorist trial, which threatens a political conspiracy that snakes from the virology lab to the FBI and CIA. Was the terrorist actually working for the government? Assassins are gunning for her, but the only guns she carries are a pair of 34Bs in a Victoria’s Secret holster. She and her chest arsenal turn to Logan for help, the only man with a bigger gun than the ones being aimed at her. They break into a military virology facility and steal top-secret research. They run for their lives; they drown, they die, and they live in each others’ arms. The body count is on the rise, and all the evidence points to the man she loves. Caught between a terrorist and an ex-CIA operative, Avery will have to trust her life to the man who just might want her dead.
5 comments:
VICARIOUS is 110,000-word chick-lit on steroids married to guy-spy thriller on Midol. The result is PMS meets AK47 where barbs fly faster than bullets..
I literally laughed out loud. Thank you for THAT!
As I said before - it does sound like a great book, even though your query is a masterpiece-in-the-making.
Okay - followed your advice and now I'm in QLH... http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=191307
HA! Thanks for reading lol. This thing made me laugh too, but I didn't think the agents would be amused. But I do wonder how the shark would have eaten this one up if I had submitted it.
Good to see you on QLH. You'll get some great feedback there on your new query. You have thick skin, so you'll do well there.
Is it bad that this is my favourite yet? The Shark would go crazy, but I love it :-D It was really funny, and maybe it says something about me that I would totally read a terrorist/HIV aerosol virus thriller written in this voice...
You can definitely write :-D
ps the word verification is "tries" which I think is oddly relevant.
Wizard,
I'm glad you liked this. I had a blast writing it! I'm glad it can make people laugh. Hopefully the story will have the same effect on people :)
Thanks for reading!
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